One Topic = Infinite conversation
Everyone’s favourite topic is the same.
Once mastered how to tap into this, your conversations naturally transition from the boring (when you find yourself talking about the weather) and the awkward (when you struggle to keep the conversation alive).
You'll also move away from overthinking, stressing about what to say next or how to say it. You'll be able to just engage with the people around you.
The topic we all adore: ourselves.
It may sound simple, but this is really powerful.
Research shows that when we talk about ourselves, the same areas of the brain light up as when eating good food, taking drugs and having sex. Self-disclosure is gratifying - it gives us a neurological buzz.
Great - but how do you do it? Because if you dive straight for the ego, you might find that the other person shuts down like they would during an interrogation.
Easy. Use L.I.E.F. (my own TM method, adapted for many other sources)
- Link: Start by connecting the conversation to something relevant in the other person's world, ideally something in your shared reality. Can be something in their past, present situation, or future. For example, “Jim was telling me you went to the Art Basel event in Miami.”
- Inform/ "I...": Share a related experience or thought that ties into the topic. For instance, “I was there last May - it was incredibly busy and I didn't get to enjoy the installations as much as I hoped.”
- Encourage: Invite them (and subsequently actually allow them) to take the lead. Say something like "I imagine it was better organised this year. Did you get to see the pavilion?"
- Follow up: Lean into the topic and allow the other person to guide the flow - your job is to truly listen and participate organically. Pick up on cues: what did they like, what were they surprised by, what would they do differently, what was worth their time, etc.
Pick a good L at the overlap of your interests. Don't overlook the I, which will help you to avoid the whole thing feeling like an interview. Stay genuine, curious, truthful and interested in the other person.
We all love talking about ourselves! Next time you find yourself deep in conversation or struggling to find it, be sure to listen and use L.I.E.F.!
Odds are, if you let the other person talk a lot about themselves, they will think YOU are fascinating.
